My Story Version #1
“For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.” – Jesus, Luke 19:10
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9
Jesus delivered me from perversion.
- Sex with self/masturbation
- Fantasy (But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. – Matthew 5:28) You can look/lust with your imagination too when someone is not physically present.
- Bestiality
- Homosexuality
- Fornication
- Sex with demons
Jesus also delivered me from…
- Rejection
- Rebellion
- Religion
- Suicide
- Hopelessness/Despair
- Witchcraft
- Self
- Pride
- Addiction
I was born in the image of God as female.
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. – Genesis 1:27
I was introduced to sexual perversion and demonized at a young age.
I felt deep rejection as a female and wanted a sex change.
I believed a sex change would take away the pain I felt inside, and I would receive the love, approval, and acceptance I longed for and needed.
I started to dress and act like a male.
I did not take hormone altering drugs or obtain a sex change surgically.
Many have.
“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” – Jesus, John 14:6
I encountered Jesus at age 12 and gave Him my life.
He gave me 3 new desires…
- I desired to spend time with and know Him
- I desired to learn the guitar/music
- I desired to be feminine/female
I did not know how to do any of them. I tried to move forward in all 3 but struggled.
I did not know how to find what I needed in Jesus or how to work out my salvation.
I was still demonized and operating under false belief systems and lies that I believed about myself and God.
I needed freedom, healing, and deliverance.
I still felt uncomfortable as a female, as if I was living in the wrong body.
I started to find what I needed in relationships with women.
In early adulthood I was miserable, depressed, and suicidal.
Relationships with women, sex, and alcohol continued to leave me empty.
I came to my end and surrendered my life to Jesus.
I had been following my emotions and the lusts of my flesh and its passions and desires instead of following Jesus.
If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. – Matthew 16:24-25
I then had to learn to crucify my flesh by the Spirit and follow Jesus daily.
And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:24
For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. – Romans 8:13
Intensity of spiritual warfare increased.
I could see shackles around my wrists and chains holding me down.
Desires to be with women increased.
Demons woke me up at night performing sexual acts with me, tormenting me, holding me down and choking me.
Demons showed up in my room to help me commit suicide.
I started to read my bible.
Every day, pouring over scripture.
I realized what I was reading in the bible, I did not see in church. At least, not anywhere I had ever attended.
In the bible, Jesus is preaching the gospel of the kingdom, healing the sick, casting out demons, and performing miracles.
When evening had come, they brought to Him many who were demon-possessed. And He cast out the spirits with a word, and healed all who were sick. – Matthew 8:16
And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. – 1 Corinthians 2:4-5
I told Jesus I wanted what I was reading about in scripture.
I wanted and needed freedom, healing, and deliverance for myself.
Then I wanted to be able to give it away to others.
And as you go, preach, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. – Matthew 10:7-8
Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it. – John 14:12-14
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” – Jesus, Matthew 5:43-44
I started on a journey looking for what I was reading about in the bible.
In a few short seasons I had found myself in a cult and suffered spiritual abuse.
Jesus delivered me out of it.
I felt and heard chains falling off of me as Jesus opened my eyes to the truth of the situation.
After deliverance from the oppression, I could hear the Lord’s voice more clearly than I ever had before.
I learned to live by/discern, follow, and obey His voice/His Spirit.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. – Romans 8:14
I responded to the “church” or cult hurt/abuse with divided interests – double minded.
Merrium-Webster Dictionary describes double minded as “wavering in mind, undecided.”
Or uncertain/doubting, really doubting in the goodness of God.
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. – James 1:7-8
I was unstable.
I was in church pursuing counseling and healing while also responding out of rebellion, hurt, anger and dabbling in the world (alcohol, sex, strip clubs).
I was miserable in the world and did not belong there.
I repented and continued to run to and after Jesus.
If you have been hurt by the church (or anyone), the key to start healing is forgiveness.
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. – Matthew 18:21-22
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. – Matthew 6:14-15
One summer, I was invited to a weekend retreat at another church in the community.
The presence of God was in this church! I had not experienced His presence like that in a church before up until that point in my life.
During the last service of the retreat, one of the pastors started to preach and teach about the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and fire.
The presence of the Lord was thick in the building.
When the teaching was over, many including myself were Baptized in the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues.
And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance. – Acts 2:4
I started praying in the Spirit all the time.
After a few months a familiar demonic attack came in the night.
I felt hopeless, depressed, and suicidal.
For years I had struggled with hopelessness, despair, depression, and suicide.
Just a year or two prior, demons had entered my car, grabbed my hands and my steering wheel as an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and a desire to kill myself came over me.
The demons were trying to get me to turn my car into the concrete median on the highway.
I texted someone that I wanted to kill myself with my car and the demons let go of me and left the vehicle.
This night was different.
Something about having been Baptized in the Holy Spirit gave me something I did not have before.
And being assembled together with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father, “which,” He said, “you have heard from Me; for John truly baptized with water, but you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.” Therefore, when they had come together, they asked Him, saying, “Lord, will You at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” And He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has put in His own authority. But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” – Acts 1:4-8
I now had power.
The Holy Spirit led me in self-deliverance.
“I have been bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ and you have to leave!” I yelled, as I held my hand over my stomach.
Something like a giant hand, a snake, an alien (a demon), moved inside of my abdominal cavity.
As the demon left my body, I ran to the restroom to throw up in the toilet.
The Holy Spirit’s presence then filled the restroom and the place inside of my abdomen where the demon had occupied.
I never struggled with suicide again.
Being led by the Spirit, I moved to a different city.
The Holy Spirit then arranged my marriage.
I was engaged to a stranger in 28 days.
Then a journey of adventure and more refining began.
“Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.“ – 1 Corinthians 12:27
“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:23
“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.“ – 1 Corinthians 6:15-20
The Lord continued to clean my house, delivered me from more demons (perversion, pride, witchcraft, religion…).
Religion was one of the harder ones for me to get rid of.
The roots of the lies and false belief systems that had infiltrated my mind since a young age and through church or religious culture ran deep.
“…and be renewed in the spirit of your mind..” – Ephesians 4:23
“…and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him…” – Colossians 3:10
I had a religious spirit most of my life.
I lived in torment.
The religious spirit was constantly condemning me and angry with me.
When I started to follow and obey Jesus, the religious spirit would punish me for it.
It tried to crucify me.
It is a murderous spirit.
It had many assignments against my life but the main two were…
- to keep me from walking in the plans Jesus has for my life.
- to block and distort my perceptions of the Father.
When the religious demon came out of me for good, the tormenting pain I had been experiencing since I was a child ceased and I was able to experience the love of my Father at another level.
Yet for us there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live. – 1 Corinthians 8:6
One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all. – Ephesians 4:6
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. – James 1:17
Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us. – 1 John 4:17-19
Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore, the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. – 1 John 3:1-3
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. – John 3:16-17
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” – Romans 8:15
Version One
